Providence
by Shonetta
Summary: Pre/Post Series. An incident from the past bonds Janeway and Chakotay, and new challenges face the future. J/C. To be continued.
1. Chapter 1

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

PROVIDENCE

CHAPTER 1

2369

Deafening music pulsated _The Liberty's_ bridge as Chakotay returned there from his quarters. His senior crew were laughing and dancing, and foremost amongst them was Seska.

"Computer," he cried. "End music!"

The music stopped instantly and the sobering crew turned to face him.

"What the hell's going on?" he asked. "Where do you think we are? A nightclub?"

Seska, clad in a sexy red catsuit, approached him. "Relax! We were just having some fun."

"Fun? The bridge is no place for fun! What the hell were you all thinking?"

"That we need to liven things up around here," she argued. "It's been days since we've seen any action and we're going out of our minds with boredom."

"That is no excuse! I expect discipline and diligence at all times!"

Seska slumped into a chair and crossed her legs. "Man! What do you think we are? Starfleet Stiffs?"

"The only stiffs around here will be us if this is how you behave when my back is turned! Or do you all have a death wish? Do you?"

"Yes," Seska answered. "For Feds and Cardies! But you're making a mountain out of a molehill, Chakotay. There's no one around us. We've got this space all to ourselves!"

"We don't know that! For all we know there could be cloaked ships everywhere! We must always be on guard! Always!" He looked around his shamefaced crew. "This will never happen again, understood?"

Silence.

"I said understood?"

The crew, which included B'Elanna, responded this time. "Understood."

"Good. Now, back to your stations!"

They all, except Seska, scampered back to their stations.

"And that goes for you too, Seska!"

Seska sighed and got to her feet. "On my way."

As she went, Chakotay sat in his seat and switched on the console before him. It showed up a map of the space ahead and on it a red dot was flashing.

"Sir," B'Elanna said, "I'm detecting something...a ship, I think."

"You see?" he cried. "We must always be at the ready!"

Seska spoke from behind. "There's no way it can be a ship. If it didn't show up until now, it's got to be just debris."

"No," B'Elanna said, "it's a ship...at least a shuttle. It's crippled and it's...Federation."

"A crippled Federation shuttle?" Seska exclaimed. "Boy, it must be our lucky day!"

Chakotay turned to her. "What do you mean by that?"

"What do you think I mean? We loot it and take everyone on board hostage!"

Chakotay got to his feet. "Like hell we will! Our war is not with the Federation!" He turned to B'Elanna. "Torres, any lifesigns on board?"

"Three," she replied, "but one is faint."

"If you can, get a lock on them and beam them aboard. They might need medical assistance."

Seska stormed from her station. "What? We're going to help them? Have you gone crazy?"

"As I said, our war is not with the Federation. Our war is with the Cardassians. We won't turn our back on people in need."

"Amen," B'Elanna said. "We have to help them."

"And help them how?" Seska asked. "We don't have a doctor on board. Our last round with the Cardie's finished ours off!"

"We'll do what we can for them," Chakotay replied, "just as we would for our own."

"Man! I can't believe I'm hearing this? What's the matter with you, Chakotay?"

B'Elanna got on the defensive now. "What's the matter with you, Seska? Don't you have any compassion?"

"Where was their compassion for our people? Where were they when our loved ones were raped and murdered? They sold us out, B'Elanna! They sold us to the Cardies! Why they hell should we care for them?"

"Because we're Maquis," B'Elanna cried, "not monsters! Those people need our help!"

"And we're helping them," Chakotay declared. "End of discussion! Torres, beam them to sickbay. Felis, bring us to a stop. Wensona, Harris, you're with me."

With that, Chakotay left the bridge and the two men accompanied him. One was a Native American, like him, the other was a red haired Bajoran. They walked down a long silver corridor that led to sickbay and got their weapons at the ready.

"Wensona, Harris," Chakotay said as he opened the door, "behind me."

The two men got into position and then the three of them stepped into the room. It was a small silver room with only four narrow biobeds, but it was equipped with all standard medical instruments and was clinically clean. As they stepped into the room, three figures materialized on the biobed and B'Elanna spoke over the comm.

"Torres to Chakotay. We have them."

"Acknowledged," Chakotay replied.

The three figures were fully materialized now and horror filled Chakotay at the sight of them. Their bodies were bloody and battered and completely naked.

"My God," he cried. Then he grabbed a medical tricorder from a shelf and hurried over to the first bed. The Officer on it was a man but more than that Chakotay couldn't tell. His face was so battered and swollen, his scalp so shaven and bloody, that it was difficult to determine by sight his age and race. But a quick scan with the tricorder told him the man was a human male of approximately 50 years. It also told him that the man was dying of severe head trauma.

Harris, who was attending to one of the other officers, spoke. "I have a white male Vulcan. He's dead."

"I have a caucasian woman," Wensona said. "She has a lot of injuries, but nothing life threatening."

Harris turned to Chakotay. "What do you think happened to them, Chakotay?"

Wensona answered. "Isn't it obvious? They've been captured by the Cardassians and tortured."

Chakotay spoke. "This man has severe head trauma. Wensona, you take over. You're better able to treat it. I'll take care of the woman. Harris, return to the bridge and tell Torres to scan for the closest Starfleet ship."

Harris did as he was told and Chakotay swopped places with Wensona. The woman on the biobed stirred as he approached and he saw that she was not as badly injured as the man. Her body was bruised and bleeding, her head shaven, but she was conscious.

"Welcome aboard," he said kindly. "You're safe now."

Chakotay then scanned her and saw that, while extensive, her injuries were mostly superficial. She'd been beaten, burnt and whipped, but there were no internal injuries, no indication of sexual assault, and no sign of brain trauma.

"There's nothing I can do for this man," Wensona said. "I don't have the expertise."

"Then we'd better put him in stasis. Beam a chamber in here and beam him into it."

"Yes, sir," Wensona replied.

As Wensona set about doing that, Chakotay returned to the woman. She was murmuring in pain and was bleeding badly from several wounds. Quickly, Chakotay picked up a hypospray, put her to sleep, and then began to treat her injuries with a dermal regenerator. It was a slow job as even her feet were bruised and bleeding. He started with them and worked up gradually.

In less than ten minutes, Wensona had the chamber in sickbay and had the injured man in it.

"Well done," Chakotay said as Wensona closed the chamber. "Now, come and help me. I'm making slow progress."

Wensona picked up a dermal regenerator and joined Chakotay at the bed. "Want me to do the upper body?"

"Please."

Wensona got to work on the woman's torso while Chakotay continued treating her battered legs. As the woman's skin healed, and silky white flesh took the place of bloody flesh, Wensona stopped working and fondled the woman's left breast.

"Good tits," he said. "Firm yet soft."

At this, Chakotay looked up at him and angrily seized his wrist. "Do that again and I'll break your arm!"

"What's the harm?" Wensona asked. "She's out of it."

"What's the harm?" Chakotay grabbed the man and marched him to the door. "Get the hell out of here! And if you can't treat women with respect, get the hell off my ship!"

"You're over reacting, Sir," the man cried. " I was only..."

"What? Feeding your lust like the Cardies fed on our sisters? Bastards like you make me sick!"

"It won't happen again, Sir, I..."

"It damn well won't happen again because you're jumping ship as soon as we meet another Maquis crew! I won't have scum like you on my ship!"

"But...Sir..."

"I mean it, Wensona! You've gone too far this time! You're out!"

With that, he threw Wensona out of the room and closed the door behind him. Then, after taking a calming breath, he returned to the woman. Alone, he healed the rest of the injuries to her body and then put a blanket over her. Then he began to heal her face. As he did, B'Elanna spoke.

"Torres to Chakotay."

Chakotay responded. "Go ahead."

"The closest Starfleet ship is two hours away. Shall I open a channel?"

"No. Send them an anonymous message giving the co-ordinates of the shuttle. Hopefully they'll set a course for it. Then, before we leave, we'll beam the officers back to the shuttle. It's the best we can do for them without endangering ourselves."

"Ok, Sir. Shall I send the message now?"

"Yes. Chakotay out."

As the connection terminated, Chakotay continued treating the woman. When he'd finished her face, he treated her scalp, which was also bloody and shaven, and then bandaged it to protect the delicate skin and to preserve body heat. He then injected her with strong pain-relief medication and woke her up. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open, eyes that were blue and misty, and Chakotay spoke.

"Welcome back."

As her eyes focussed, and her mind engaged, the woman looked around.

"Where...where am I?" she asked, her voice coarse.

"Safe," Chakotay replied.

The woman looked up at him, studied his black clothes, and then his face. "You're not...Starfleet."

"No," he answered. "We're Maquis."

At this, the woman closed her eyes and tears welled under her lids. "I see," she said quietly.

Chakotay looked at her sadly, his heart going out to her. She had survived one hell only to find herself in another.

"But as I say," he said kindly, "you're safe. No one will hurt you here."

"My comrades...are they?"

"One is critical, the other is dead. I'm sorry."

"What will you...what will you do with us?"

"We've sent a message to the closest Starfleet vessel. We'll beam you back to your shuttle and they will collect you. It's the best we can do for you given our circumstances."

"I understand...thank you."

"Is there anything I can get you? A glass of water, perhaps?"

"I don't suppose there's a...chance of a coffee?"

Chakotay smiled. "Sure. How do you like it?"

"Black, no sugar."

"Then one black coffee coming up."

He went over to a small replicator, replicated two cups of coffee, and then handed her one as she sat up.

"Thank you," she said.

Chakotay pulled up a stool and sat next to her. "I would introduce myself, but it's better for both of us if we ask no names."

"Better for you, you mean," she replied.

"I won't deny it." He took a sip of coffee. "What happened? How did the Cardassians capture you?"

"How do you...know it was Cardassians?"

"When bodies turn up beaten in crippled vessels it always means Cardassians."

"Well, we were captured on an away mission. We were going to a planet...to gather samples...they got us."

"I'm sorry."

The woman stared into her coffee, her eyes momentarily glazing, then she spoke. "I was lucky. They didn't...It could have been worse."

"Yes," he agreed. "But you're clearly a very brave woman. I can't imagine what you've been through. To be still talking...not many are."

"You can," she said, "imagine it. You're a Maquis...a nice one...that means...it means you're fighting on principle, that the Cardassians hurt someone close to you."

"My family," he answered. "They were all killed by the Cardassians."

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

Suddenly, the door opened and Seska came in. "So, these are our prisoners," she said, looking around. "Not in good shape, are they?"

Chakotay got to his feet. "I didn't give you permission to enter."

"I wasn't aware I needed it. And I don't. There's only you, me, and these people non-grata."

"Leave," Chakotay said. "Now!"

"Why? So you can have all the fun? I want some of it, Chakotay. Because you're not really serious about letting them go, are you?"

"I'm very serious."

"But they should pay, Chakotay. They should pay for their betrayal."

"And just what do you suggest?"

"An eye for an eye. Isn't that what you humans say? We should take them to the cargo bay and execute them. Very painfully and very slowly."

"I don't believe I'm hearing this. What's gotten into you, Seska?"

"War, Chakotay. That's what! I'm at war! What about you? Are you at war or is all this just a game to you?"

"Yes, I'm at war, but not with these officers. Draw the line, Seska. Tow the line. Because if you don't...then you're off this ship with Wensona."

"You don't mean that."

Tears filled Chakotay's eyes. "I do, Seska. You're not the person I thought you were."

At this, Seska reached out and put her hand on his arm. "I am. Of course I am. I just...I just get carried away sometimes. But you're right, our quarrel has nothing to do with these officers. We should let them go."

"I'm glad you agree. Now, return to the bridge."

She saluted affectionately. "Yes, Sir."

As she left, Chakotay turned back to his patient. "I'm sorry you had to witness that."

The woman said nothing, just stared into her coffee again.

"You are safe here," he reassured her. "You have nothing to fear. I don't fight the Cardassians to be like them."

"That maybe true for you," she said, "but it clearly isn't for all members of your crew."

"No. But they will harm you over my dead body."

"Then, for both our sakes, you should send me and my comrades back to our shuttle right away."

"That isn't necessary. The closest ship, which I'm guessing is yours, won't arrive for another two hours. Stay here in comfort."

"I'd rather rough it on our shuttle."

Chakotay really didn't like the thought of sending her back so soon, of letting her fend for herself in a crippled shuttle near the border of Cardassian space, but her reasons for wanting to leave his ship he could understand. If the situation was reversed, and he was now in the hands of an official enemy, he would want off at the first opportunity too. "Ok," he said. "I'll send you all back and we'll be on our way."

The woman looked up now, gratitude in her eyes. "Thank you...Chakotay."

At this, he smiled. "You got me. And you are?"

"Kathryn," she answered.

"Just Kathryn?"

"Just Chakotay?"

He laughed softly. "We'll say no more." He then hit his commbadge. "Chakotay to Torres."

In seconds, B'Elanna replied. "Go ahead."

"Beam our guests back to their shuttle. One is in stasis, so beam him and the chamber."

"Sir, does he really need it? We only have four chambers and we might need it ourselves."

"Right now, his need is the greater. Do as I say."

"Yes, Sir. Standby for transport."

The connection terminated and Chakotay turned back to Kathryn. "Good luck," he said, "and goodbye."

Kathryn gave a wan smile. "Goodbye."

A blue transporter beam then engulfed her and she disappeared. When she and the other officers were gone, B'Elanna spoke over the comm.

"Torres to Chakotay. Transport complete."

"Acknowledged," he answered. "Now, get us out of here, maximum warp."

"Yes, Sir."

In seconds, the ship began to move and silver stars streamed passed the windows at warp speed. But it was not the stars Chakotay was looking at, it was the bed where the woman had lay. Although she was just a stranger to him, he had felt a connection with her, some kind of inexplicable affinity. And, now that she was gone, he felt an unsettling sense of loss, almost an emptiness, a darkness as though someone had blown out a candle that had lit up his life momentarily. But then, shrugging off the feeling, he turned around and left the room.

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

PROVIDENCE

CHAPTER 2

2371

Alone in her quarters on Voyager, Captain Kathryn Janeway slipped on her silky pink negligee and then sat down on her bed to brush her long hair. She always brushed it before bed, always found it relaxing and satisfying to brush away the tangles and tension of the day, and today, like every day since getting stranded in the delta quadrant, had been particularly stressful. Not only did she have Joe Carey and B'Elanna Torres battling it out for the position of Chief Engineer, but Voyager had got stuck in a quantum singularity to boot. However, the latter incident had helped her resolve the former dilemma, and she would announce her new Chief Engineer in the morning.

Suddenly, the door chime played. Expecting her visitor to be Tuvok, Kathryn put down her brush and made her way into the lounge.

"Come in!"

The doors opened and a man stepped into her quarters, but it wasn't Tuvok, it was Chakotay. He was tense, defensive, but when he saw Kathryn in her negligee, her auburn hair tumbling over her shoulders, he was struck by her beauty and could only gaze at her.

"Commander," Kathryn said, trying not to show her discomfort at being seen in her slinky nightdress, "I was not expecting you. Is there a problem?"

Chakotay made no reply, he just continued to gaze at her.

"I said is there a problem, Commander?"

Chakotay came out of his trance now. "No," he replied. "No problem. I was just...I was just wondering if you've made a decision yet."

"I have," she answered. "Joseph Carey will be our new Chief Engineer."

At these words, Chakotay's disappointment was visible, but he did not kick up a fuss. "I see," he said. "I'm disappointed, as I don't think Carey's a patch on B'Elanna, but if that is your decision then I respect it."

"Thank you," Kathryn replied. "But I trust you will keep this between us for the moment?"

"Of course," he answered.

"Good," she said, eyes twinkling. "Because B'Elanna Torres deserves to hear it from me that she's our new Chief Engineer."

As the words registered, Chakotay smiled, dimples showing. "You teaser, Captain Janeway."

"Not teasing," she answered, "testing. If we're going to work together, I need to know you respect my authority."

"And this test...have I passed?"

Kathryn smiled. "With flying colors. Now, if that's all, I'll see you in the morning."

Chakotay nodded. "Goodnight, Captain."

With that, he turned around and walked towards the door. But, when he got there, he unexpectedly turned back to her. "There is something else," he said. "Something I've been wondering."

"Go on, Commander."

"You don't strike me as a woman who trusts very easily, quite the contrary, but from the moment we met on the bridge, you've trusted me. Why?"

Kathryn was a moment in answering. "You don't remember, do you?"

Chakotay frowned. "Remember?"

"Our first meeting. It wasn't on my bridge. It was on your ship."

"My ship...?" Then his eyes widened as a memory, a very distant memory of a wounded woman returned to him. "She was...you?"

Kathryn nodded. "You saved my life that day. You could so easily have left us to die on that shuttle. Or, as Seska wanted, you could have taken us hostage and tortured us all over again. But you didn't. You helped us. It was an act of compassion, your act of compassion, and those who perform acts of compassion have a compassionate nature. That's how I knew I could trust you."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said quietly. "I'm sorry for what you went through."

"As I told you that day, it could have been worse. They let us go, not every captive's that lucky."

"No. But Cardassian torture it's..." Tears filled his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Compared to what some have experienced, mine was mild. They just weren't as interested in me as they were the men. Call it sexism working to an advantage."

Chakotay closed the gap between them. "You were beaten, burnt and whipped. That's hardly mild. And then there's the mental anguish and the filthy condition of their cells. They put you through hell and you don't have to pretend otherwise."

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "It was...hell. But I count my blessings, you know? My fiance...my first fiance...the torture he suffered, it was...horrific. It changed him forever and yet...and yet he risked it all again to rescue me when I fell into Cardassian hands. He showed tremendous courage, a tremendous strength of will and spirit, and that...it inspired me. He wouldn't let them break him. No matter what they did, he wouldn't let them destroy him, and I promised him, promised myself, that I wouldn't let them break me either."

"Your fiance...what happened to him?"

"He died in a shuttle crash. My father did too. I was the only survivor."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said. This woman had clearly suffered terrible heartache in her life, had lived through more hells than one, but in the face of all that she still stood strong and still stood for all her principles. That filled him with both admiration and shame. Admiration for her, shame for his own bitter conduct in the face of overwhelming grief.

"I'm sorry too," Kathryn replied. "About your family. I know now the circumstances and...it horrifies me. I understand why you joined the Maquis. I would have too."

"It was the only thing I could do. Losing them all...that way...I still haven't come to terms with it."

"And maybe you never will. Maybe you'll just...learn to live with it."

Their eyes locked, the pain of grief mirrored momentarily in both, then Chakotay spoke. "Before we found you...how long had you been held by the Cardassians?"

"A few days," Kathryn answered. "When they realized we didn't have the information they wanted they let us go."

"Only to leave you injured and defenseless on that shuttle."

"Yes. I tried to help my colleagues but I couldn't even help myself. How long we were there before you found us, I don't know. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness."

"I'm glad we did...find you."

Kathryn smiled. "Even though I'm the reason you're stranded on this ship in the delta quadrant?"

"It could be said I'm the reason. After all, you were on a mission to capture me."

"Yes," she said seriously. "But I want you to understand that I didn't accept the mission lightly. In fact, after what you'd done for me, I didn't want to accept it at all. But if I hadn't, then it would have been given to someone else, someone whose name I won't give, but someone who would have killed you all, not captured you. I owed you a lifeline."

"And I thank you for extending it. But we wouldn't have surrendered. We'd have fought to the death."

"Well, that's all water under the bridge now. At least, I hope so. If we're going to survive out here, we must be able to work together. That means we must be able to establish some kind of rapport with each other. I don't mean our crews, I mean you and me. I'm not saying we have to be friends, or even like each other, but in a professional capacity we must be able to trust and respect each other. I don't want a repeat of today every time there's a major decision to be made."

"I give you my word it won't happen again," he said. "I was out of line and I apologize."

"Accepted. But you were right. Torres is a better engineer than Carey and I should have had more respect for your opinion. From now on, I will."

Chakotay smiled. "Then looks like we've established a...rapport."

Kathryn smiled back. "Looks like we have."

Gently, Chakotay reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. "Now that I'm your First Officer, my first priority is to keep you safe. I won't let anyone hurt you again."

"See yourself as a knight in shining armor, Commander?"

"Not quite," he laughed. "Rusty armor, maybe."

Kathryn laughed too. "Well, thank you for the sentiment, but this damosel in distress is quite capable of taking care of herself. At least, most of the time. I'm no Maid Marian. Consider me a Britomart. That's a lady knight warrior in..."

"_The Fairie Queene_," Chakotay answered.

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "You know your literature. I'm impressed."

"Literature and history are great passions of mine."

"Really? Of mine too."

Chakotay smiled. "Then looks like we have a rapport and a common interest. Next up we'll be friends."

"I hope so. But one step at a time, Commander."

"Then how about we make the first step a game of chess? I believe you're good and the night is still young."

Kathryn smiled. "Give me five minutes to get myself decent and you're on."

"You look fine to me," Chakotay answered.

"Maybe I do, but my fiancé might have something to say about me entertaining my First Officer in my negligee."

Chakotay laughed.

"While I'm gone," she went on, "replicate the game and set it up. And, while you're at it, a hot coffee for me. Black, no sugar."

Chakotay smiled. "Yes, Ma'am."

Kathryn then hurried into her bedroom and, as he watched her go, Chakotay thought their long journey home had suddenly become very interesting.

END OF CHAPTER TWO


	3. Chapter 3

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

PROVIDENCE

CHAPTER 3

The midnight mess hall was quiet when Chakotay arrived there after finishing his shift. With the exception of Neelix, who was tidying up for the night, and a couple of ensigns, the place seemed empty.

"Commander Chakotay," Neelix smiled when he saw him, "you're just in time! I was just about to close up! What can I get you?"

"A hot chocolate would be good, thank you, Neelix."

"Then sit yourself down and I'll bring it over. How would you like it? Sweetened with cream and chocolate frost, unsweetened with cream and chocolate frost, sweetened with cream but no chocolate frost, unsweetened with cream but no..."

"Just a plain hot chocolate with two sugars," Chakotay interrupted.

"Are you sure, Commander? I've taken the liberty of whipping my own cream and it's..."

"I'm perfectly sure, Neelix."

The Talaxian sighed. "Then one plain hot chocolate with two sugars coming up."

With that Neelix left and Chakotay went to sit down. As he did, his eyes registered a lone figure sitting in a corner of the room and, on closer inspection, he saw that it was the Captain. She was sitting at a table, a silver cup before her, and was gazing out absently at the stars. Chakotay's heart went out to her as she looked so sad, so lonely, so troubled. Slowly, he made his way over to her.

"Hi," he said.

Kathryn came out of her daze and looked up at him. "Hi."

Without asking for permission, Chakotay sat opposite her. "You look troubled, Captain. Is everything alright?"

"That depends on your definition of alright," she replied. Tears filled her dusty blue eyes. "I'm pregnant."

Chakotay's eyes widened. "Pregnant?"

Kathryn nodded. "Twelve weeks."

"Captain...I...I don't know what to say."

"What is there to say? But apparently I'm not alone. Sarah Brunwell is expecting too." She paused. "Sarah's decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, rather than freeze the embryo, but I...I don't know what to do. There's no way I can captain this ship and have a baby, but freezing the embryo carries risks and..." her voice fell to a whisper. "It may be small but it's still a life."

Chakotay reached out and put his hand on hers. "Of course it is. And I think you're underestimating yourself. I think you can run this ship and be a mother. Other captains have done it."

Kathryn withdrew her hand. "But not in the delta quadrant. Who knows what dangers we face? I can't afford a distraction and a child...what bigger one could there be?"

"You can't be the captain every moment of every day for the next seventy five years. You need a life outside of duty. We all do. My people believe in a balance, a harmony. If there isn't that balance then we neither live or work to our full potential."

"With all due respect, Commander, your people weren't thinking of our situation when they came up with that philosophy." The words sounded harsh, even to her own ears, and she immediately regretted them. "I'm sorry," she said. "That was out of line"

"All I'm saying," Chakotay went on, "is that there is room in your life for a child. We can make room."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and she clumsily wiped it away. "I shouldn't have let this happen. I just... Mark and I were told our chances of having a baby together were very low, because of genetic incompatibility, so we didn't bother with birth control. If I got pregnant, we'd be happy, but if I didn't, then we'd either get fertility treatment after we were married or adopt." She paused. "This mission was only supposed to last three weeks. Getting stranded at the other side of the galaxy...or anywhere...never crossed my mind."

"How could it?" Chakotay said.

"But we are stranded and...and I've got to make a decision."

Chakotay was about to speak when Neelix came over.

"Here you are, Commander," he smiled, "one plain hot chocolate with two sugars."

"Thank you," Chakotay replied as Neelix placed the coffee before him.

"Anything else I can get you, Commander? All the cakes and cookies I've baked today are gone, all the bread rolls too, but I can replicate whatever you want."

"I'm fine, thank you," Chakotay answered.

The Talaxian turned to Kathryn now. "What about you, Captain? Would you like some toast with honey? I know you like it for supper."

"No, thank you," Kathryn replied.

"Then how about some coffee cookies? A hungry belly won't sleep!"

"I'm fine, Neelix," Kathryn said abruptly.

At her tone, the Talaxian was subdued. "Yes, Captain. Well, then, I'll say goodnight to you both."

"Goodnight, Neelix," Kathryn said.

Neelix then glanced at Chakotay, who also said goodnight, and then the Talaxian went on his way. When he was gone, Chakotay turned back to Kathryn.

"I think you've made your decision, Captain. If you were going to freeze the embryo, or were even seriously considering it, then we wouldn't be having this conversation. You would freeze the embryo without telling me about it. The matter would be a confidential one between you and the EMH. I think you've decided to go ahead with the pregnancy."

Kathryn was a moment in answering. It was uncanny how well this man could read her. He read her much better than anyone else ever had. "It's what I want to do," she said quietly. "I want this baby with every fiber of my being. But do you..." She looked up at him, longing and pain in her eyes. "Do you believe I can do it? Do you really believe I can be a good captain to this crew and a good mother?"

"Yes," Chakotay said emphatically. "I more than believe it, I'm certain of it. And we'll all help you. Ensign Brunwell too. You won't be alone."

"Thank you. But I'm not sure everyone will feel the same way. When I destroyed that array, I separated a lot of officers from their children, perhaps for a lifetime. They could resent that I'll have my child with me."

"I doubt anyone will think that way, Captain. I'm sure everyone will understand that you're doing your best in a difficult situation. Yes, you'll have your child with you, where as theirs are a lifetime away, but your child will grow up on a starship and won't know his or her father. There are no ideals. All we can do is make the best of what life throws us."

Kathryn's eyes wandered to the stars again. "I hope it won't...grow up on this ship. There's got to be a way home, got to be someone out there who can help us. I know we could be on this ship for the rest of our lives, but I'm determined that we won't be. I'm determined to get us home within a year or two. Then we can all resume our lives."

At these words, Chakotay looked at her sadly. While her optimism was good for crew morale, and he shared her belief that it was possible to shave years, or even decades, off their trip, he didn't think they'd be arriving in the Federation any time soon. Yes, maybe there was a female caretaker out there who could help them, or maybe they would find a wormhole or a race with advanced technology, but the best they could realistically hope for was to save a few years here and there. In his mind, they could expect the trip to last at least five years, maybe even ten. But perhaps he was wrong. The space ahead was unknown and uncharted. Perhaps they would find a wormhole next week, or next month, that would lead them to the alpha quadrant. The future was a blank page.

"We'll get home when we get home," he said tactfully. "For now, Voyager is our home. And, while not ideal for a child, there are worse places to grow up. Your child, and Brunwell's, will be part of a community and will see and experience things that no other human children will."

Kathryn turned back to him. "But if we are on this ship for years, what will it mean for them? What kind of a life will they have? They need education, playmates, need to feel the sun on their face."

"It won't be easy, but we can meet their needs. Children accept and adapt, so as long as we do our best to provide them with a safe and stimulating environment, they'll be fine."

"But that's just it, Commander, how safe would they be on this ship? Already we've made enemies of the Kazon and the Vidians, and it seems like we're under constant attack. A life of constant combat is no life for a child."

"Our situation is hardly that bad. Yes, we're under attack a lot at the moment, but that might change. We might go for weeks, or even months, without meeting any aliens at all." He put his hand on hers. "Children don't always come along at the right time, or in the right place, but their lives are always a blessing. Don't think about the negative, there are always negatives, even in the best of situations. Think about the positives." He smiled. "You're a very determined woman. When you set your mind to do something, you accomplish it. So, set your mind where your heart is and don't look back."

Kathryn smiled, his words finalizing her decision, and she squeezed his hand. "I will. Thank you."

Chakotay smiled and squeezed back.

"And I'd appreciate it," she said, letting go of his hand, "if you won't say anything to anyone. Not yet."

"Of course not," he assured her. "This stays between us." He then picked up his cooling hot chocolate. "So, do you know what you're having?"

"No. The Doctor knows but I'd like it to be a surprise."

"So would I...if it was mine, I mean."

Kathryn smiled and picked up her drink too. "I'm surprised you don't have children. Not interested?"

"Quite the contrary, I'd love to have children. I've just never met the right woman."

"Really?"

Chakotay lowered his cup. "You seem surprised."

"I suppose I am. I thought you were a bachelor from choice. You must have had your pick of women."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, you're good looking, intelligent, charming. What more could a woman want?"

"Thank you. But I always seem to attract the wrong kind of woman. I want something serious, but they... Let's just say I'm not lucky in love."

"Then let's hope your luck changes. I know there's not much scope for that on this ship, but maybe you'll fall in love with a young ensign and she with you."

Chakotay said nothing. There was only one woman onboard who interested him, only one woman who captivated him and lit up his soul, and she was sitting right opposite him. Even though they had only known each other a short while, and even though he knew she was engaged to another man, a man she might well be reunited with one day, he couldn't help his feelings. As soon as he'd realized he was falling for her, he had tried to fight the feelings, but no matter what he did, what he tried, as soon as she walked into a room his heart skipped a beat. All he could do was hope that the feelings would pass.

Seeing the topic made him uncomfortable, Kathryn didn't pursue it. "Let's hope all our lucks change," she said, putting down her now empty cup. "Strange, isn't it? One moment our lives are heading in one direction, and then, all of a sudden, something happens and we're on a completely different road, never knowing if we'll get back to that first one."

"Sometimes we never can," Chakotay declared.

"No. If it does take us a couple of years to get home, who knows how things will have changed. Mark may have found someone else and..." she paused. "But I don't suppose there's any point thinking about what may or may not happen. We just have to live for the moment."

"Yes," Chakotay agreed.

There was a long silence, neither knowing what to say, but then Kathryn broke it.

"Well, it's getting late and I'd better get to bed. I'm on early shift tomorrow."

"Not anymore," Chakotay said kindly. "I'll cover it. You can have my shift."

"Oh, I can't have you do that, you've just finished and..."

"I insist. You need to rest. And you need to eat well. No more skipping meals."

Kathryn curled her lip in amusement. "I see you've picked up on my bad habits."

"A First Officer's job. But now I know your condition, I'm going to be watching you like a hawk. So, to make life easier for yourself, you'd better make sure you're always on day shift, take at least an hour for lunch, and at night take the time to cook yourself a good nutritious meal."

"That'll be kind of hard," Kathryn teased. "I'm a hopeless cook."

"Then how about I cook for you some nights? I'm good and I'd love your company."

Kathryn considered for only a second before nodding. "I'd like that, thank you."

Chakotay smiled. "Then we'll make a start tomorrow, 19:00 hours, my quarters."

Kathryn smiled back. "I'll be there. Goodnight, Commander."

"Goodnight, Captain."

Kathryn then got to her feet and Chakotay watched her leave.

END OF CHAPTER 3


	4. Chapter 4

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

PROVIDENCE

CHAPTER 4

Two Weeks Later

The Captain's quarters were quiet when Chakotay entered and, as he expected, he found Kathryn in bed. Her face was pale, as white as the sheets around her, and she was propped up by pillows.

"Hi," Chakotay said. "How are you doing?"

Earlier that day she, and several others, had been injured in an explosion while exploring a derelict site on an abandoned planet. A bomb had gone off, bringing down half a building, and it was a miracle that no one had been killed.

"I'm fine," Kathryn replied. "And am glad that everyone else is...or at least, soon will be."

Megan Delaney and Kevin Martin were still in a critical condition, but The Doctor expected them to make a full recovery.

Chakotay stepped closer and sat, uninvited, on a stool beside the bed. "And the baby?"

There was a long silence. Then Kathryn answered. "I'm no longer pregnant. The Doctor had to remove the baby to save it and I've decided against reimplantation. I think it's for the best. I think it's better to wait until we're home."

"As much as I hate to say it," Chakotay said sadly, "getting home isn't a certainty. What if...?"

Kathryn interrupted. "I don't live my life by "what ifs" and I'm not about to start now. We will get home. And soon. Then I'll marry Mark and we'll raise our child together."

Chakotay said nothing, just lowered his eyes. He'd come to see that Kathryn was a true idealist, ever optimistic and hopeful. He could only hope she stayed that way, that the trials and loneliness of their circumstance didn't jade her.

"Besides," Kathryn continued, "with Sarah Brunwell not being pregnant after all, my child would be all alone. Reimplantation will carry the same risks in a year's time, or ten years time, as now. Better to wait."

"I can't deny the logic," Chakotay said, raising his eyes, "but we're not Vulcans. Sometimes it's better to think with our hearts."

"In our situation, with both. And both are telling me the same thing. Wait."

"So long as you're sure...though I guess you can change your mind any time."

"Yes, but I won't. The decision's been made for me and I have to at least be grateful for that. I don't think I'd have had the courage to freeze the baby, not considering the risks."

"I understand. But I wish I'd never suggested we explore that site. I failed in my first duty...to keep you safe."

"Oh, Chakotay, what happened was hardly your fault. If it's any one's, it's mine. I'm the one who wanted to go underground. You advised caution."

At that, Chakotay's eyes twinkled. "Does that mean you'll listen to me from now on?"

Kathryn curled her lips in amusement. "Let it not be said I make promises I can't keep."

Chakotay laughed, as did she. Then, all of a sudden, her quarters' door chime played.

"Who is it?" Kathryn cried, not wanting to be bothered unnecessarily.

"Mr Neelix," the Talaxian replied. "I'm here on Doctor's orders."

"In that case, you'd better come in."

Neelix came in and, seconds later, was in her bedroom. He was carrying a silver tray of dishes and was wearing the flashiest outfit that Kathryn had seen on him yet. It was a hideous two piece of red and blue zig zag and it totally befuddled the eyes.

"Good evening, Captain," he said, "you too, Commander. I do hope you are feeling better. The Doctor says your right leg was almost blown off!"

"Not quite," Kathryn replied, "but the injury was severe."

"Poor you. And poor Megan and Kevin. What a thing to happen! But I'm sure my Indiana Special will cheer you up. I made it especially for you!"

"That's very considerate of you," Kathryn said as he placed the tray before her, "far more considerate than your outfit."

"My outfit?" he exclaimed. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, if you want to give us all eyestrain."

"Eyestrain? I'll have you know this is the one of the finest Talaxian fabrics!"

"Maybe so, Neelix, but our tastes are...more conservative."

"Tell that to Ensign Peters. She wears dots and stripes like not even I would dare! Even Tom Paris mistook her for something called a drape the other day!"

"If I see her, I will indeed tell her. As to Mr Paris...no doubt he was joking."

"Then he has a strange sense of humor...not that that surprises me. But if my outfit offends you, Captain, of course I won't wear it again. I dress to please others as much as myself."

"Thank you, Neelix. Your consideration is much appreciated. You are proving an exemplary member of this crew. But there really was no need to bring me food. I'm not hungry."

"Of course you are, Captain. Kes says you haven't eaten a thing all day! And that won't do. In fact, The Doctor says if you don't get something inside you pronto he'll have to confine you to sickbay. And you don't want that. Alex Riggs is there, after doing himself an injury on the holodeck, and he snores something awful!"

"Thanks for the warning. I'll eat what I can."

"Make sure you do. But I promise you, Captain, it won't be an effort. Just wait until you taste my feathered pheasant pie! You'll think you're right back home in Bloomington! Oh, it's delicious, even if I say so myself! And then there's my duck drizzle potatoes, roasted and spiced to absolute perfection, not to mention my diced and fried root vegetable mix! You'll be in tastebud heaven, Captain, and the pleasure doesn't end there! Because I've also made you dessert! The all American favorite Mississippi mud pie...with a touch of Neelix magic!"

"What can I say," Kathryn said, trying hard not to laugh, "you've clearly excelled yourself."

"I certainly have. And I can't wait for you to get stuck in. So, let me..."

But before he could remove the lids on the dishes, Chakotay got to his feet and ushered the Talaxian aside.

"A good chef never watches in wait of praise," he said.

"Oh, I wasn't," Neelix replied. "But really? Never? Where then is the satisfaction?"

"In the stomachs of his diners."

"But..."

Kathryn interjected. "I'll let you know what I think, Neelix. And I'm sure you won't be disappointed."

The Talaxian opened his mouth to protest, but then sighed instead. "Oh, very well, Captain. But I have to say your eating customs are as trying as your fashion! But do let me know what you think. I've been slaving over your meal for hours!"

"I will, Neelix. I promise."

"Then I'll be back later. Good evening, Captain...Commander."

They both said good evening and then Neelix left. As he did, Kathryn and Chakotay both broke into laughter.

"Oh my," Kathryn said. "Am I truly awake or hallucinating? I feel like I'm in a circus, Mr Neelix being the clown! First that outfit, then a feathered pheasant pie with duck drizzle potatoes! Just where does he think Indiana is? I've never heard of them in all my life!"

"Me either," Chakotay laughed, "but I'm curious." He gestured to the biggest lid. "May I?"

"Be my guest."

Chakotay lifted the lid and there, beneath it, was a huge pastry pie surrounded by sizzling mixed vegetables and drizzling roast potatoes. The pie was round, and fat, and lavishly decorated with pastry feathers.

"Well," Kathryn smiled, "at least they're not real...the feathers, that is. I had visions of a stuffed bird!"

"Me too."

"But the potatoes...oh, they look more slimy than slugs! And the vegetables...they look dangerous!" She picked up a knife and cut open the pie, releasing a stream of smoke. "And the pie looks like it's on fire! There's no way I'm eating it. Any of it!"

"That's too bad," Chakotay laughed, "Neelix will be disappointed."

"He'll never know. Besides, I have more hope for the mud pie."

With that, she raised the lid on the second dish, but all that came into view was a heap of brown mush.

"Oh hell," she cried, "looks like he's taken the mud literally and made me a cowpat!"

Chakotay laughed until his eyes watered, laughing harder than he had in a long time.

"This is definitely for the recycler too," Kathryn went on. "I know they say the ugliest is tastiest, but I'll confess to being a shallow eater!"

Chakotay couldn't help but tease. "Even though half of what you make burns?"

Kathryn almost scowled. "There's a big difference between being burnt, Mr Chakotay, and being pure gross!"

"Well," Chakotay smiled, "to save Neelix's feelings, how about we do a deal? I'll eat his offering, telling him it was too rich for you in your condition, if you'll agree to eat a meal of your choice."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "You'd eat all this just to spare Neelix's feelings? Then there truly is a softie beneath the macho Maquis!"

"I won't deny it. But I think one let down a day is enough for the Talaxian. I think he was dressed to impress. Besides, I haven't had anything since lunch and I have to say the food smells kind of good. I'm partial to a bit of spice."

"So am I, but his last attempt at spicing things up gave me third degree burns!"

Chakotay laughed. "Then I'll have a medkit on stand by."

"You'll need one. But aren't you forgetting something?"

"What?"

"You're a vegetarian."

"Well," Chakotay smiled, "considering we have neither pheasants or ducks on board, I think it's safe to assume they're replicated."

"Good point," Kathryn laughed.

"So, do we have a deal?"

Kathryn nodded with a smile. "We have a deal."

END OF CHAPTER 4


	5. Chapter 5

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

PROVIDENCE

CHAPTER 5

2378

Voyager was home and had been for three months. In the kitchen of her apartment in San Francisco, a large kitchen with a sunny aspect, Kathryn poured two cups of coffee to accompany two slices of chocolate cake. She took her time, wanting the task to last longer than it should, as she was not eager to return to the lounge where her guest was waiting. For her guest was Mark and she wasn't sure how he would take the news she had to give.

The news that she had been pregnant with his child when Voyager got stranded.

The news that she wanted to complete the pregnancy now.

She hoped he would be supportive, and her every instinct told her that he would be, but their circumstances now were very different to the ones she had imagined when she'd first learned she was pregnant. Then she had believed they would be reunited, that they would marry as planned and raise the child together. That was out of the question now. Not only was Mark married to someone else but she was no longer in love with him.

And yet...

And yet she still loved him. A part of her always would.

"Where are these coffees coming from, Kath?" Mark suddenly asked, entering the room. "The Delta Quadrant?"

"No," Kathryn laughed, turning to him. "I was just...well, they're ready."

Mark picked up a coffee, followed by a plate of cake, but then fixed his gaze on his former fiancee. "No more beating about the bush, Kath. Tell me what's wrong."

"Oh, there's nothing wrong," Kathryn said, picking up her own coffee and taking a sip. "No, not at all, I'm just..."

"Lying to someone who knows you too well," Mark interrupted. "So spit it out, Kath. Give me the real reason you've called me over today."

At that, Kathryn half smiled. "There's no fooling you, is there? And you're right. There is something."

Mark gestured to stools, long silver ones before a black marble breakfast bar. "Shall we?"

Kathryn hesitated, but then nodded. Even though she didn't need to sit, Mark might.

"So, what's troubling you, Kath?" Mark asked as they sat.

"I don't really know how to tell you," Kathryn replied honestly. "In my mind I have a million times, but now that the moment's come, I'm lost for words."

Mark suddenly looked uncomfortable and shifted anxiously in his seat. "It's not about us, is it? I mean, what we had was special, but I'm married now and..."

"Oh, no," Kathryn quickly reassured him, "it's nothing like that, I just..."

But she never got to finish the sentence as suddenly The Doctor materialized before them. He was out of uniform, clad in what appeared to be a shepherd's outfit, and was singing. When he realized where he was, however, he shut-up instantly and looked around in confusion.

"Admiral? What's going on?"

Kathryn got to her feet. "I could ask you the same question."

"Me? How am I supposed to know? One moment I'm rehearsing for an opera, the next I'm here!"

"How strange. There must have been a transport mix up. It happens from time to time."

"Well, it's mighty inconvenient! And I've a good mind to complain! I was just getting into my part!"

"You have my sympathy," Kathryn replied, the sentiment genuine. "But, as you're here, let me introduce you to Mark. My former fiancé. I don't believe you've met."

At this, The Doctor flinched. "Mark? As in Mark Johnson?"

"That's right," Mark said, getting to his feet and extending his hand. "It's an honor to finally meet you."

The Doctor took his hand and, rather absently, shook it. "Likewise."

"I'm very impressed by all your achievements in the Delta Quadrant," Mark went on. "You're quite the unsung hero."

"Not quite so unsung," Kathryn teased. "You heard for yourself."

"Yes," Mark laughed. "And you're very good, Doctor. I'm not surprised you're in an opera."

"_Was_ in an opera," The Doctor wailed. "If there's anything sure to get me fired, it's a disappearing act!"

"Well," Kathryn smiled, "if you explain what happened, I'm sure they'll be understanding. In fact, if you give me the coordinates, I'll request a return transport for you now."

"Thank you, Admiral, but I'd like words with you first."

"With me?"

"Yes, and in private."

This demand surprised Kathryn, but she indulged it. "Very well, Doctor, we'll talk in the lounge. Mark, please excuse us."

Mark did and Kathryn led The Doctor into the lounge. As soon as the door shut behind them, The Doctor spoke, his voice a loud whisper.

"You never told me that Mark is Caucasian," he said.

Kathryn frowned. "I wasn't aware I was supposed to. Why? What does it matter?"

"A great deal, Admiral. Because if he's Caucasian, he isn't the father of your baby!"

"Oh, of course he is," Kathryn declared. "Who else could be?"

"You tell me. Because the father of your baby isn't Caucasian. He's Native American."

Kathryn's eyes widened. "Native American?"

"Which made me think Mark was too. But it turns out he's not."

There was a long silence, then Kathryn broke it. "I...I don't know what to say, Doctor. You must be mistaken. Mark is most definitely my baby's father. There's no way it could be anyone else."

"I'm not mistaken, Admiral. The father is definitely Native American."

"But the only Native American I know is Chakotay and it can't possibly be him. I was pregnant, though didn't know it, before we got stranded."

"Are you sure of that? Absolutely sure?"

"As sure as the math make me. Why? What are you suggesting?"

"I don't know, Admiral. All I can tell you is that Mark Johnson, the Caucasian man in the kitchen, is not the father of your baby."

Kathryn raised her hand to her confused brow. "If that really is the case, Doctor, then your dropping by right now could not be timed better as I was just about to tell him that he is."

"Really? You were going to tell him right now?"

"The very second you appeared."

"Bizarre, Admiral. This whole thing is bizarre."

"I quite agree. But I refuse to accept that Mark is not the father without proof."

"Then I suggest we go to my surgery and obtain it. But not now, Admiral. I must get back to rehearsal."

"Tonight, then." It was going to be hell waiting, but if The Doctor had an opera to return to, she had a guest.

"Tonight is fine. Say 20:00 hours?"

Kathryn nodded. "I'll be there."

The Doctor then left, the beam out requested by Kathryn, and in a daze she returned to the kitchen. Mark was still sitting at the breakfast bar and he questioned.

"Are you ok, Kath? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I...I'm fine," she said. "But the thing I wanted to talk about...it doesn't matter now."

"Doesn't matter as in doesn't matter, or doesn't matter as in 'I don't want to talk about it?'"

"Doesn't matter as in doesn't matter," she said, joining him at the bar. "At least I think."

Mark put down his cup. "I know you've always been fiercely independent, Kath, and have never wanted to burden others with your problems, but if something was wrong...like you were ill...you would tell me? We've been friends for...it seems all our lives. Just because...well, I still care."

"I know you do, Mark," Kathryn said, sitting. "And yes, if I was ill I would tell you. But I'm fine. Truly."

"Truly? You don't look it."

Kathryn downed what was left of her cooling coffee. "Well, my life is always everything but simple."

"I won't argue with that. But are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"I'm sure." She gestured to his empty plate. "I'm also sure you'd like another slice of cake."

At that, Mark laughed. "And you another coffee. Old habits die hard, eh?"

"Always," Kathryn said, mustering a smile. "And long may they."

END OF CHAPTER 5


	6. Chapter 6

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

PROVIDENCE

CHAPTER 6

"I'm sorry I'm late," The Doctor said to Kathryn after keeping her waiting for over half an hour. "I got held up. One of our dancers fell off stage...a long story I don't have time to tell...and needed urgent medical assistance."

"It's alright, Doctor," Kathryn lied, every minute of waiting seeming like an hour. "I hope he...or she... will be ok."

"She...and affirmative. In fact, I'm going bird watching with her on Saturday."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "You? Bird watching?"

"Something wrong with that?"

"No, not at all. I just didn't know it was your kind of thing."

"On Voyager, how could it be? The only birds we ever saw were those of Mr Paris's kind! But, as a physician, I'm fascinated by all lifeforms and birds I find particularly interesting."

"I'm sure you do, Doctor," Kathryn smiled, "especially when they're interested back."

Then, without waiting for a reply, she stepped into his surgery, which was on the top floor of Starfleet Headquarters. From it there was a good view of the park, at least in daylight, and while it was smaller than Voyager's sickbay, it was fully equipped with all the latest medical technology. There was even a small lab next to a very stylish office.

"So," Kathryn said as the Doctor followed her in, "are you still of the opinion that Mark isn't the father of my baby?"

"I am," he declared, closing the door behind them. "And it's a fact, not an opinion."

"Well, I guess a simple paternity test will clear it up. But I'm surprised you didn't do one at the time, Doctor. With Chakotay being a Native American, and us having just been subjected to biometric examination on the array, I'd have thought you'd have done one as standard incase I was impregnated there."

"You're right, I should have. But at the time the thought didn't enter my head...or yours. We both made the same assumption...that Mark was the father."

"But I didn't know that the baby is...as you're telling me...half Native American. Didn't that raise any alarm bells?"

"Why should it have? How was I supposed to know that Mark is a Caucasian? Earth has many races and mixed relationships are common. I just assumed your fiance was Native American. If the baby was half Asian, would you have expected me to assume Harry Kim is the father?"

"No," Kathryn replied, conceding the point.

"Then why was I to automatically assume that Chakotay is the father because the baby's half Indian?"

"But you must have seen photos of Mark," Kathryn reasoned. "I had one in my ready room and several in my quarters."

"How could I have? Until I got my mobile emitor I was virtually a prisoner of sickbay, remember?"

Kathryn remembered and, with that remembrance, came defeat. "You're right, Doctor. It isn't your fault. At least, it's no more your fault than mine. We both made assumptions."

"As did Samantha Wildman when she learned she was pregnant...only in her case they were correct."

"Yes. At least concerning paternity. If what you say is true, that my baby is half Native American, then either I was impregnated on the array or something happened outside the normal space-time continuum that led to mine, and maybe Samantha's, pregnancy. That's the only way Chakotay can be the father."

A gleam of amusement shone in The Doctor's eyes. "What makes you so sure it's Chakotay, Admiral? I've never said that it is."

At this, Kathryn blushed a little. "Well...I mean...it has to be...I mean...it stands to reason."

"Because he's the only Native American you know?"

"Yes...and we'll leave it at that." She teasingly poked his holographic stomach. "Unless you want us to return to the subject of birds and dancers."

"Hint taken," The Doctor smiled. "Instead of chatting, we'll get down to business. It shouldn't take long to do a paternity test. Less than five minutes, in fact."

"I want to watch...just to double check."

"Fine with me. But the test is done remotely. We don't need to access the fetus freezer."

For that, Kathryn was glad. To see her baby frozen and still, just waiting for life and love, would break her heart.

Swiftly, and efficiently, The Doctor established remote access and then, with Kathryn observing, performed the test. It took only seconds and the answer was conclusive.

The father was Native American.

The father was Chakotay.

"I don't believe it," Kathryn said, staring at the result. "It can't be true." She then looked up at The Doctor. "Can it?"

"Evidently it is," he replied.

"Then what I said earlier must explain it. Either I was impregnated on the array or something happened outside the normal space-time continuum."

"I'd say the latter," The Doctor said, moving away from his console. "Why would The Caretaker impregnate you with Chakotay's child? His goal was to be a father himself."

"I don't know. Maybe he felt our child would be a compatible mate."

"So why send you back to Voyager, with the child inside you, but send Harry and B'Elanna to the Ocampa? It doesn't make sense, Admiral."

Kathryn considered. "When you put it that way, I don't suppose it does."

"The truth, as I see it, is that we may never know how Chakotay came to father this child. We can speculate forever. The real question is what happens now?"

But then, before Kathryn could answer, there was a flash of white light and Q appeared.

"Ho, ho, ho! What do you mean, medicine man, that you might never know? Have you no faith in a Q?" He then flashed a smile at Kathryn. "Welcome home, Kathy. I knew you would do it!"

"Thank you," Kathryn replied. "But what do you know of all this? Or, more importantly, what have you to do with it?"

"Me? You think I have something to do with it?"

"Why else would you be here?"

Q sat on a biobed. "Kathy, I'm offended. I thought we were friends!"

"Then tell me what you know."

"Nothing...or maybe something."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "Nothing? Or something? That has to mean everything!"

Q leapt to his feet and did a strange dance. "Hip, hip, hooray! Kathy finally admits I'm omnipotent!"

"I've never doubted it," she answered. "Just your integrity. So prove it to me now. Tell me what you know and what you've done."

Q shook his head. "There you go again, accusing me unjustly. I'm innocent. Totally innocent. I just thought, as I was flying past Earth on a solar flare, I would pay a visit to my dear old friend Kathy and, with the benefit of my all seeing eyes, help her fill in a few blanks."

The Doctor spoke. "I sincerely hope that's true! Because if all this is some kind of joke it's in very poor taste!"

"Taste?" Q teased. "What's that?"

"You know what I mean," The Doctor argued. "In fact, it's not only insensitive it's downright cruel!"

"Oh, relax, medicine man. This isn't a joke. I'm serious." He lay flat on the floor. "Deadly."

Kathryn stood over him, hands on her hips. "And I'm losing my patience. Whatever you know, tell me!"

Q sighed and got to his feet. "Very well, Madam Admiral. I'll tell you."

And so, without further ado, he did.

END OF CHAPTER 6


	7. Chapter 7

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

PROVIDENCE

CHAPTER 7

2369

At the helm of her shuttle, curled up in the seat, Kathryn slept as she waited for rescue. It was all she could do. There was no power, no lights, and as life support was on minimum, the oxygen levels in the cabin were low, making her sleepy. For a while she had tried to get communications working, so she'd have a link to the universe outside, but her efforts had been in vain. The system was too badly damaged. Most of the ship's systems were. Even replicators were not working. Fortunately, however, the shuttle had several survival kits, compulsory in all vessels, and they had provided her with emergency clothing. As she had been beamed back naked she was grateful for the supplied overall, even though it was long and baggy. The kits also contained blankets, special silver ones designed to protect in the freezing condition of space, and Kathryn had wrapped one around herself as she huddled up at the helm.

Huddled and slept.

Slept until a noise woke her.

A noise and a jolt.

Looking up and around, Kathryn quickly realized that the shuttle was under attack.

In the line of fire.

But under attack from whom? Looking out of the window, Kathryn tried to determine if her assailant was Maquis or Cardassian, but all she could see was lights. Blinding lights.

And then...

And then she was somewhere else.

A transporter room.

A transporter room on a ship.

It was square, and dark, and before her a woman was working a console. A human woman with brown hair and green eyes.

The Maquis.

Another crew had found her and beamed her aboard.

This time it had to be as a captive.

And it was.

A man emerged out of the shadows, a tall and broad man with black hair and cruel eyes, and he grabbed her roughly before seizing her arms and twisting them behind her back.

"Starfleet scum," he spat. "We'll make you pay for what you've put us through!"

"I haven't put you through anything," Kathryn argued, struggling to breathe in the tightness of his grasp. "I'm just a scientist!"

"Like hell you are! All Feds are the same! Liars, traitors, and murderers! You killed my people! Blew them up by betrayal! So don't play the innocent with me! You're dripping with blood!"

A door suddenly opened and a woman, in a black catsuit, came in. She was middle aged, blonde, and Kathryn recognized her immediately. Tanya Lockwood. They had served together on The Al-Batani, many years before, but had hit it off on the wrong note and never gotten into key. In fact, Tanya had made no secret of her dislike for the young ensign who had been promoted at her expense.

"Well, well," the woman smiled when she saw who her captive was, "if it isn't my old friend, Kathryn Janeway!"

"Hello, Tanya," Kathryn replied.

The woman stepped closer. "A very kind greeting, considering the circumstances."

"I'm not your enemy," Kathryn said, holding her gaze. "I have nothing to do with your quarrel."

"Nothing to do with it? You, and every Fed, have everything to do with it! Who palmed off our colonies? Who abandoned our people?"

"Not me. I was always against the treaty."

The woman circled, like a vulture. "Easy to say now. I bet you championed it!"

"No," Kathryn protested, "I..."

"Yes," the woman cried. "You championed it! I say you championed it!"

Kathryn swallowed. Tanya had never been kind, but now she looked cold and ruthless. There was no humanity in her eyes. Nothing but hate.

"And now you're going to pay for that. Pay for it in every way a woman can!" She clicked her fingers. "Lareth, take her away and do what you want with her!"

The man didn't have to be told twice and Kathryn, still weak and sleepy, found herself being dragged down a long corridor and into a prison cell. The door slammed shut behind them and then...

And then Lareth threw her against the wall and began to beat her. Kathryn cried out in pain, her body bleeding and breaking, and relived a hell she had only just escaped.

A hell worse than the one she had escaped, for this man had more rage in him than a dozen Cardassians...

And then...

And then other hands were holding her.

Kinder hands.

Chakotay's.

"It's alright now," she heard him say as he lifted her into his arms. "You're coming with me."

Kathryn lay against his shoulder, her broken and battered body could do nothing else, and he carried her out of the room.

Into another room.

No.

They were somewhere else.

On his ship.

Something soft beneath her.

A bed.

"Damn that woman!" she heard Chakotay say to someone. "How could she do this? I sometimes wonder what the hell we're fighting for!"

And then something cold pierced her neck...

Drifting...

Asleep...

Awake...

"Welcome back."

The voice was unfamiliar. The face too. A woman's face.

A woman who looked like a Klingon and yet like a human too.

"I'm B'Elanna," she said, "and you're safe now. Safe and healed."

Kathryn, groggy and dazed, questioned. "Where am I? What happened?"

"You're on a ship. A Maquis ship. Chakotay's. We rescued you from another Maquis ship. You were hurt there."

"I...I remember," Kathryn said, everything returning to her. "Before that...before they got me...you saved my life."

"That's right. We found you, and two of your colleagues, unconscious and battered in your shuttle. The Cardassians had dumped you there."

"Where...where is he now? Jeff...the man you put in a stasis chamber?"

Evret, she remembered, was dead.

"He's safe. We have him. But we can't get you to a Starfleet ship right now. In fact, it might be a while before we can. Lockwood...the woman Maquis who captured you...has vowed to be revenged on us and is hot on our trail with backup. We know this space, so she has no chance in hell of catching us, but the chase might last a while. She doesn't give up easily."

"That I can believe," Kathryn replied.

"You know her?"

"Our paths have crossed."

"Hers and mine too. Actually, she taught me at the Academy. Hard to believe that now, eh? But I never liked her. She failed my paper just because it was five words under five thousand. And it wasn't. She'd hyphenated words just to make me fall short."

"Sounds like her."

"Well, she'll get what's coming to her some day. People like her always do."

Kathryn sat up, looking around as she did, and saw that she was in the same sickbay as earlier. The place was empty now, though. Empty except for her and this B'Elanna.

"Why did you rescue me?" Kathryn asked. "I mean, how did you know I was on that ship and why did you care?"

"Because we have a heart," B'Elanna answered. "When we met Lockwood's crew on leaving this space, and Wensona told her about you in revenge for being kicked off this ship, Chakotay had us return here and monitor you from a distance. He didn't trust her to leave you alone and neither did I. So, when she got you, he and a few others went to your rescue."

"I see. I'll have to thank him."

"Well, I think you're going to have plenty of time for that. But, for now, you need to eat. So, what do you fancy? Soup? Pasta? Cheese on toast?"

"I...I'm not hungry."

"My medical tricorder says otherwise. So, what will you have?"

"Nothing...please...I'm truly not hungry."

Tenderly, B'Elanna put her hand on Kathryn's thin shoulder. "I know you've been through hell, lady...twice...and that eating is probably the last thing you want to do, but you're safe with us. Chakotay's a good man. The best I know. He won't let anything happen to you. So try to eat...even if you only manage a little bit."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes at this woman's kindness, hers and Chakotay's being the only kindness she'd received in days. "Ok," she said. "I'll try some soup."

B'Elanna squeezed her shoulder. "That's the spirit. But you'd better give me a variety or I just might bring you a Klingon pig feet stew."

At that, Kathryn had to laugh. Then she gave her choice. "Lentil," she said. "With tomato."

B'Elanna smiled. "Then lentil with tomato it is."

END OF CHAPTER 7


	8. Chapter 8

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

PROVIDENCE

CHAPTER 8

"I can't believe you're giving that Starfleet bitch quarters," Seska yelled at Chakotay in his ready room. "Are you out of your mind?"

"It might be weeks before we can get her to a Starfleet ship," Chakotay answered from his desk. "If we're going to keep her confined, as we must for our security, it ought to be in comfort."

"Comfort? What comfort does she deserve? We should throw her in the brig and let her rot!"

"I'm not going to argue," Chakotay said calmly. "If that's your opinion, fine. I'll live with it. But likewise you're going to have to live with my decision."

"Why should I? I'm not the only one who distrusts her! If you don't watch it, you'll have a mutiny on your hands!"

"I don't trust her either, that's why she's got to be confined. But I do respect her. I respect her as a person and as an officer."

"Then you're a fool! She's not worthy of respect! No Feddy is!"

"I disagree. She's been through hell, the same hell as many of our loved ones, and for that alone she deserves our compassion."

"What goes around, comes around! I bet she wouldn't hesitate in imprisoning us if the situation was reversed and we were on her ship!"

"You don't know that."

"But I suspect that. According to Daz, she's high ranking, and you don't get that far if you have a heart."

"That's where you're wrong," Chakotay said, getting to his feet. "Starfleet rewards those who play by the rules."

"And those who will bend them to serve an advantage! Or have you forgotten the reason we're fighting this war? They abandoned us to hell to benefit themselves! How can you defend a single one of them?"

"I'm not. But neither am I going to condemn someone I've only just met and know nothing about."

"I bet you wouldn't be this 'understanding' if she was a man!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means! Because, let's face it, you're a soft touch when it comes to women. All they have to do is flutter their eyes at you and you're under their spell!"

Chakotay slammed his chair against his desk and walked towards the door. "I'm not listening to this."

Seska called after him. "Where are you going?"

"To show our guest to our guest quarters."

"We don't have guest quarters."

Chakotay turned to her briefly. "We do now."

Then, without another word, he left.

* * *

><p>Kathryn was alone in sickbay when Chakotay arrived there. She was lying on a biobed, her head newly bandaged and a blanket over her, and she seemed to be asleep. For a while, Chakotay looked at her, his heart going out to her. She seemed to be a good woman, from what B'Elanna had told him, and undeserving of what she had been through. Not that anyone deserved Cardassian...or sadistic...cruelty. He was glad to see that her injuries were healed, at least the visible ones, and that a clean white robe was in place of a bloody overall. Lockwood's man had beaten her bad and, if rescue hadn't come when it did, he hated to think what would have come next...<p>

But she was safe now and he wouldn't put her in harms way again.

Turning around, as he didn't want to disturb her sleep, he learnt that she was actually awake when she spoke his name.

"Chakotay," she said. "Hi."

Chakotay turned back to her. "Hi. How are you feeling?"

"Let's just say, I've felt better," she replied, her voice as distinctive as he remembered. "But I want to thank you for saving me. You risked your life when you didn't have to and that...well, it's a true testimony to your humanity."

"Thank you, but I only did what any honorable warrior would do."

"Maybe, but there aren't too many of those."

"No," Chakotay conceded, "there aren't."

There was a moment's silence, then Kathryn broke it.

"When can we expect to be in range of a Starfleet vessel? B'Elanna says it could be days."

"Longer than that, I'm afraid," Chakotay said, sitting on the stool beside the bed. "To escape Lockwood, we had to enter the deadzone...a region of the Badlands that even most Maquis avoid...and it's going to take us weeks to get through it."

"Can't we go back the way we came?"

"No. There's only one safe passage and Lockwood will be monitoring it. We have to go forwards."

Kathryn sat up, her pale face coloring as the reels of her brain turned. "Or maybe sideways."

"Sideways?" Chakotay asked curiously.

"Like a crab. You expect them to run backwards at a threat, or scamper forwards, but they always scurry sideways. We can do the same. If you know the Badlands, I know Lockwood. She's presumptious, singleminded, a moth to a flame. If we go back in a couple of days, she'll think we've fallen for her trap, that we believe the coast is clear. But instead of flying into her path, we'll..."

"Go sideways," Chakotay finished.

"Exactly. She won't expect that, won't expect you to veer off the safe road. More importantly, she won't follow."

Chakotay considered. "It's risky, they don't call this the deadzone for nothing, leaving the safezone could kill us, but so too could weeks in here."

"Better sometimes to climb a short sharp hill than walk for miles on the flat. You can"t let her hold all the cards, not when you can play the ace."

"You're right. And I can't say I haven't thought of going back and meeting the challenge, but it seemed too risky."

"Some risks are worth taking."

"Yes. If you have the nerve. You clearly do."

"Comes with experience and I have plenty of that."

"A Commander?"

"Second Officer."

"Really? So was I before..." He was about to say before he resigned, but for some reason the words stuck in his throat. "Well...before."

"So I've gathered," Kathryn said, sympathy in her eyes. "Which means you must have been a damned good officer."

"I did my best. I worked hard and always tried to do my duty. But my duty is to my people now."

"I understand. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry about the treaty. I never supported it."

"I believe you. But I'm sure you'll appreciate that I'm going to have to keep you supervised. I wish that wasn't the case, but I have to protect the interests of my crew."

"Naturally. So, what's it to be? The brig?"

At the way Kathryn said that, so matter of factly, Chakotay couldn't help but laugh. "No. We'll confine you to quarters. But not all the time. Under supervision, you're welcome to frequent the lounge and the canteen. The bridge too. If we're going to do the crab, I'll need you there."

"Then I'll be there. But who's going to supervise me. You?"

"No, I'm too busy. But I'd be honored if you'd have dinner with me tomorrow night."

Kathryn smiled. "I'd love to."

"Then dinner it is. Now, if you're up to it, I'll show you to your quarters."

"I'm up to it. But I'd like to dress first."

"There's no need," he said, getting to his feet. "Your quarters is just a few doors down. We're a small ship and crew. At least, right now. I have ambitions."

"I'm sure you do. But the less I know, the better."

"Agreed."

Kathryn then moved herself to the edge of the bed and tried to muster the strength to stand. She still felt very weak. Chakotay saw this and kindly offered her his hand.

"Need a hand?"

Kathryn nodded and gratefully put hers in his. "Thank you, Sir."

"You're welcome."

Chakotay then helped her to her feet and, as they left sickbay, supported her down the corridor. It was a short walk, as he'd promised, and in no time at all they were in her designated quarters.

"I know it's not of Starfleet proportions," Chakotay said as they stepped in, "but I think you'll be comfortable."

"I'm sure I will," Kathryn replied, looking around a cozy lounge of blue walls that had a white corner sofa, square coffee table of glass, a replicator, entertainment system, and compact kitchen. There was also, to her relief, blinds on the room's only window. As much as she appreciated a porthole, being in the Badlands meant a frenzy of lightening phenomena, and she hated lightening.

"There's a bedroom through here," Chakotay said, opening a sliding door that led to a small room with a single bed and silver closet, "and a bathroom beyond. I'm afraid it only has a tub, though. All cabins with sonic showers are taken."

"That's quite alright," Kathryn replied, "I much prefer a bath."

"Really? Then you're well matched." He opened the bathroom door, revealing a pleasing white tub, and gestured to a rail on which were several white towels. "They're all clean," he said, "the bedding too. Hazel has just replicated them. I've appointed her to take care of you, so if you want anything, or want to leave this cabin, just call her over the comm."

"I will," Kathryn assured him. "Thank you."

Chakotay then made his way back to the lounge and Kathryn followed.

"You may replicate food and clothes," he said, "but everything else has been disabled. For our security, we can't let you replicate weapons or anything that would enable you to access our computer database."

"I understand," Kathryn replied. "In the circumstances, you're being more than generous."

At this, Chakotay turned to face her. "You didn't ask to be here," he said, "and I know you don't want to be. I won't make a difficult situation worse."

Kathryn could see he meant that and she thanked her lucky stars that she was in his, not someone else's, custody. While few would be like Lockwood, most would not be as considerate.

"I really appreciate that," she said. "And I can say, with all honesty, that there are worse places to be than here."

"Yes," Chakotay replied sadly. "And I'm truly sorry for everything you've been through. After surviving the Cardassians, you shouldn't have had to endure a second hell. And I blame myself that you did. I shouldn't have sent you back to your shuttle so soon."

"It was my choice."

"But my call. And I won't let you down again. This time, we won't take the cowards way out. We'll beam you directly to a Starfleet ship."

"No, that would be too dangerous...for you."

"Not as dangerous as veering off course in the deadzone," he half teased. "As you said earlier, some risks are worth taking."

His kindness, just like B'Elanna's, brought tears to Kathryn's eyes. He truly was a brave man. A good and moral man who would sacrifice his life in a heartbeat for a just cause. If only there were more such men.

Gently, Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "Get some rest, Kathryn. No one will disturb you for the rest of the night."

Then, with a kind smile, he turned around and left.

Left.

Taking the warmth with him. For suddenly Kathryn felt cold. Cold as though he'd been a fire keeping her warm.

Cold and alone.

But not afraid.

She was safe here, as safe as anyone could be on a small ship in the Badlands, and she was alive.

Thanks to Chakotay.

Someday, somehow, she would repay him.

Holding that thought, she went through to the bedroom, pulled down the blind, and then climbed into bed. The sheets were soft, the mattress too, and in no time at all she was fast asleep.

END OF CHAPTER 8


	9. Chapter 9

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**PROVIDENCE**

**CHAPTER 9**

Before her dinner date with Chakotay, Kathryn took a soak in the bath. She had slept most of the day, still drowsy from the medication in her system, but was feeling much more like herself now. Her body felt more like her own too, the soreness and stiffness easing, and her head finally had hair again. B'Elanna had grown it for her, long over her shoulders, and it was presently clipped up while she bathed.

Bathed in a warm delight of soapy bubbles.

Heaven.

Except for the fact that she was on a Maquis ship in the Badlands. But, with the exception of Seska and her buddies, everyone was friendly. She had received a warm welcome in the lounge, where she'd been persuaded by Hazel to have a coffee, and had even been presented with flowers by a former Starfleet Ensign, called Essi Vale, who she had once taught at the Academy. The young girl had genuinely been sorry for all she had been through and wanted to cheer her up. Chakotay had paid her a visit too, while she was still in bed, and they'd talked for some time about Operation Crab. She had advised him to gather as much info as he could about the space around them, so they could best chart their getaway, and to have his best engineers explore the possibility of a cloak. If they could sustain one, just for a few minutes, it would help. Chakotay had been willing to listen and eager to act and this had impressed her greatly. He was not going to be hard to work with. In fact, they already had an amazing rapport. Too bad he was a Maquis. If he wasn't, she would love to work with him on a regular basis. Men of his integrity and intelligence were rare.

When she had finished bathing, Kathryn got ready for dinner with Chakotay. She was looking forward to it and was feeling quite hungry. Not wanting to use up resources unnecessarily, she replicated a simple dress of midnight blue and a pair of matching shoes. The dress had long sleeves, a shapely waist, and was a respectable length, reaching just over her knees. Then she brushed her long hair, gently as her scalp was still tender, and applied a little make-up.

Finally ready, she called Hazel over the comm, and the young woman promptly arrived to escort her to Chakotay's quarters. It was just a few doors down from her own and Seska, always with a scowl on her face and an insult on her lips, was just leaving as they got there.

"My, my," she said, looking Kathryn up and down, "mutton walks as lamb! But if you've set your sights on the sack, honey, he don't need no dressing. He'll eat a woman raw!"

With that she walked away, her heels echoing down the corridor.

"Don't worry," Hazel said when she was gone, "it isn't true. Chakotay's not like that."

"So I've discerned," Kathryn smiled. "But I appreciate the reassurance."

The girl smiled back and then rang Chakotay's doorchime. Seconds later, he called for them to enter.

"There's no need for me to go in," Hazel said. "I've done my job. But enjoy your dinner, Kathryn."

Kathryn put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Thank you."

Then, as the doors opened, she stepped into Chakotay's quarters. It was bigger than hers, as expected, but just as inviting. There were lovely amber walls, all the cozier in lamplight, and along one was a long silver unit that housed several interesting objects including a chessboard. In the middle of the room there was a white sofa adorned with a gorgeous throw of many colors, and around the room were pictures of animals, powerful creatures like tigers and bears. There were orange blinds on the room's windows, which numbered three in all, and below the furthest left was a dining table of glass set for two. It was adorned with white plates, silver dishes, and tall glasses that sparkled in the light. Standing beside it, dressed in a black shirt over black pants, was Chakotay. He looked breathtakingly handsome in the copper light and Kathryn's heart skipped a beat.

"Hi," she smiled.

For a long moment, Chakotay was silent. All he could do was gaze. Gaze at the beautiful woman before him. A shapely woman with tumbling auburn hair in a dress that made her eyes sparkle like sapphires. She looked so different to the bruised and battered woman he had rescued and his heart, so heavy for so long, suddenly felt a lot lighter.

"Hi," he said. "Welcome...welcome to my quarters."

"Thank you."

"I hope you're settling in...as well as you can, I mean."

"I am," Kathryn replied, closing the distance between them. "You have a fine crew...for a bunch of rebels. Aside from one or two exceptions, everyone is friendly."

"Let me guess. One exception is Seska."

Kathryn nodded. "And her friend Jozelle."

"Wensona's cousin. He's the guy who..."

Kathryn interrupted. "You kicked off this ship because he liked my breasts a bit too much."

"Yes," Chakotay replied, somewhat embarrassed but having to laugh at the way she'd said that so matter of factly. "I see word's got around."

"It always does. On all ships. Always."

"Maybe I overreacted, Seska certainly thinks so, but he's crossed the line before, more than once, and this time...he hit a nerve. My sisters were..." he struggled to say the words, "raped by the Cardassians and...and when I think of it...I can't think of it."

Kathryn put her hand on his arm. "I understand. And, for what's it's worth, I think you did the right thing. Men shouldn't treat women that way. But I'm sorry...about your sisters."

"Thank you. But I'm sorry too...for everything you've been through."

"As I said before, things could have been worse for me. They let us go, all captives aren't that lucky."

"No. But Cardassian torture it's..." Tears filled his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Compared to what some have experienced, mine was mild. They were more interested in my colleagues. Call it sexism working to an advantage."

"You were beaten, burnt and whipped. That's hardly mild. And then there's the mental anguish and the filthy condition of their cells. They put you through hell and you don't have to pretend otherwise."

"It was," Kathryn conceded, "hell. But I count my blessings, you know? My fiancé suffered horrific torture when he was captured. It changed him forever. But when I fell into Cardassian hands...a long time ago now...he risked it all again to rescue me. He showed tremendous courage, a tremendous strength of will and spirit, and that...it inspired me. He wouldn't let them break him. No matter what they did, he wouldn't let them destroy him, and I promised him, promised myself, that I wouldn't let them break me either."

"He does indeed sound like a courageous and inspirational man. One who loves you very much."

"Did love me," Kathryn corrected. "He's dead. He was killed in a shuttlecrash ten years ago. My father too."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry about your family. Grief is...a cruel companion."

"Yes."

Their eyes locked, both feeling in that moment the others pain, even though they were just strangers. Strangers with a mutual heartache. And then, all of a sudden, there was a scratching sound, as though it was coming from the walls.

"What's that?" Kathryn asked, breaking their connection. "This ship doesn't have mice, does it?"

"No," Chakotay smiled. "It's Chancer, our cat."

"Cat? Then no wonder you have no mice! But why do you have a cat? And why is she in the walls?"

"It's a long story. But suffice it to say she's a stowaway who's shy."

"I see. Poor thing."

"She doesn't even come out for food. She just scratches on the wall to say she's hungry. I then open a hatch, put in some food and water, and she helps herself."

"But she must come out sometimes."

"Never, not in the month she's been here. We did, of course, beam her out and examine her...just to see she's healthy...but as soon as we left her alone she went into hiding again."

"What does she look like?"

"Black with white stripes."

"White stripes? Sure she's not a zebra?"

"No," he laughed. "She's a cat."

Kathryn went over to the wall. "Well, maybe she can be coaxed out."

"I doubt it. I've tried, Seska and B'Elanna too, but she won't come."

"With all due respect, neither would I for Seska. But what's the story with you two? Are you a couple?"

"No. We used to be, but it didn't work out."

"I can't say I'm surprised. You seem like polar opposites. But she acts like she owns you."

"I know. I crossed the line with her and am now paying the price. But she was a different person then...or so I thought."

Kathryn crouched by the hatch. "I'd like to try my hand at coaxing the cat out. May I?"

"Be my guest. I'll replicate her some food and open the hatch."

Chakotay did all that and then watched as Kathryn tried to talk the animal out of her hiding place. He didn't expect a result but, to his great surprise, after just a few minutes of gentle entreaty, the cat emerged.

"You see?" Kathryn smiled as the cat approached the food bowl and began to eat, "nothing to it!"

"I wouldn't say that," Chakotay replied. "You clearly have a gift. Animals don't respond to everyone." He then smiled. "But I bet she'll go right back in when she's finished eating."

"Of course she will," Kathryn said. "That's why tomorrow we'll move on to stage two."

"Stage two?"

"Getting to know you. Then we'll progress to stage three...getting to trust you."

"I see," Chakotay laughed. "Does that mean we'll be having dinner every night?"

"Yes. Unless you have an objection."

"None at all. In fact, I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too. I'm also looking forward to tonight's offering. So, what are we having?"

"Whatever you fancy. My replicator's cooking."

"In that case, I'll have a greek pasta salad with chicken."

Chakotay smiled. "Coming right up. " He then gestured to the table. "Please, take a seat."

Kathryn sat, watched briefly as Chakotay replicated their meals, and then turned her attention to the cat. The animal had almost finished eating now and, as soon as the last scrap was in its mouth, it dashed back into the hatch.

"Looks like stage one's complete," Chakotay said, approaching the table with their meals on a silver tray.

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "Which leaves only two hungry mammals in the room. That is, if you consider us mammals. Scientists and philosophers are still battling it out."

"They sure are, but you don't strike me as the kind to give philosophy much weight."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, you seem to me the perfect scientist, a woman of precision and method who prefers the tangible to the abstract."

"I am, in general, but my good friend Mark is a philosopher...an acclaimed one at that...and we have the most fascinating conversations. I pride myself on being open minded, I think a good scientist should always be so, and I find it both stimulating and challenging to talk about the unknown. There are so many questions about the nature of our existence that we'll probably never have answers to."

Chakotay put down the tray. "Agreed, at least not in this life." He smiled. "But there is one question you can give me a definite answer to, and that is what you'd like to drink."

"If your replicator makes it, cabernet sauvignon...synthesol."

"My replicator better make it as it's my favorite."

"Really? Then you're clearly a man of good taste." Her eyes then fell on a plate of red mash that was decked with green leaves and yellow berries. "Or maybe not. What on earth is that?"

"Kenchixa, a dish native to my tribe that is far more delicious than it looks."

"No offence, but I find that hard to believe."

Chakotay laughed. "I thought you prided yourself on being open minded?"

"Oh, I do, but my credulity has limits."

"Then I dare you try some. Because I'm sure you'll love it."

"Dare me? What's your wager?" She then smiled. "Only kidding. I'd love to try some. After all, I am an explorer." She picked up a fork, dug it into the mash, and then put a mound into her mouth. She expected it to taste awful and braced herself for the disgust, but to her surprise it truly was delicious.

"Well?" Chakotay asked, his eyes twinkling with anticipation.

"You're right," Kathryn said. "My mind isn't open enough. It's scrumptious."

"I knew you'd think so."

"What's in it?" Kathryn asked, helping herself to another fork full. "I'm guessing tomatoes of some kind with lentils, spices, and noodles?"

"Almost. Tomatoes, lentils, spices...and earthworms."

At that, Kathryn's hand stilled. "Earthworms?"

"A staple amongst my people, as are insects in general. In fact, I think the dish contains some ants too and termites."

Kathryn shuddered, even though the ingredients were all replicated, and discretely pushed the plate away. "I see. I suppose it takes..."

She was going to say "all kinds", but Chakotay's sudden laughter made her laugh too.

"Oh, you rascal, you're joking!"

"I am," he confessed. "While some Native American tribes eat insects, mine never has. In fact, we're vegetarian."

"Well, you had me going there. Worms, ants and termites? Too gross...even if replicated."

"Agreed. Though I think I'd rather eat worms, ants and termites than cockroaches and wasps!"

"Oh, don't even go there! But what are the noodles? Noodles?"

"Yes, mixed with beans and herbs found only on Trebus."

"Really? Only on Trebus? They're too tasty not to share!"

"We share, but the Federation Food Authority has never really been interested."

"That's too bad. But I'm very interested. In fact, so interested...and impressed...that I'll have it for dinner tomorrow."

"Why wait? Have it tonight."

"Oh no, I couldn't. You've already replicated my dinner and I hate to waste resources."

Chakotay laughed. "A dinner will hardly make a difference."

"But it could. In a situation like ours, every last microjoule matters. It could be the difference between life and death. It has been to other crews."

Chakotay considered. "I guess you're right. But as you've made a start of my dinner, I think it's only fair that you finish it. I'll have your chicken pasta salad."

"That's a very kind gesture, but didn't you just say you're a vegetarian?"

"Yes. But I don't have a problem with replicated. I eat it often."

"Then we have ourselves a swop...if you're really sure."

"I am. In fact, I insist." He took the plate of chicken pasta salad and placed it on his side of the table. "Now, all that's left is for me to replicate the cabernet sauvignon!"

"And a slice of coffee cake," Kathryn said. "A meal is never complete without dessert and...well...I've suddenly got the urge."

Chakotay smiled. "Quite the coffeeholic, aren't you?"

"The Federation's greatest. But that's not only where I excel. I'm also a first rate chess player. So, if that board you have over there isn't just for show, I'd love a game after dinner if you're up for it."

"I'm more than up for it. But I'd better warn you, I'm a master. With a good opponent, my game is long lasting."

"So is mine. But we have nights, remember?"

Chakotay couldn't help but tease. "Black ones and white."

"Yes," Kathryn laughed. "And I'm guessing it's your favorite piece."

"Why do you say so?"

"Well, because you're quite the knight in my eyes. I mean, two rescues in one day, that's got to make you qualify."

These words touched Chakotay deeply. In her eyes he clearly was a hero. And that, for the first time in a long time, gave him a sense of self-worth. A sense that his life mattered. For so long he'd felt that it didn't.

"But you don't seem to agree," Kathryn said, observing his silence.

"Not entirely," Chakotay replied, teasing despite himself. "My armor's too rusty to be knightly."

Kathryn laughed. "Quite the contrary, it shows it's had good use. But get to the replicating, Sir. If you don't, our dinners will be stone cold!"

Chakotay smiled, dimples showing. "Yes, Ma'am."

END OF CHAPTER 9


End file.
